In a rush
The young woman asked me, “Can you, like, hurry up?”
I asked, “You're in a rush, huh?”
“Yup.”
“Don't worry, I'll be gentle. This should not hurt a bit.”
“It's not that,” she said.
“What is it, then?”
“I'm in a hurry to resume my date. My boyfriend is in the waiting room. We were about to get it on when he mentioned that he thinks body piercing is gross. He was talking about his cousin who has a nose ring. I thought, ‘Oh, shit, he's going to see my ring when he goes to enter me.' So I decided to come in here to have it removed. I don't want him to know.”
“What did you tell him? If I had a date who suddenly announced that she had to go to the emergency room, I would be more than a little curious as to why.”
“I just told him that I needed to have an IUD inserted. When I told him that, he gave me a big smile. Probably because he's thinking, ‘Oh, boy, no condom!'”
Incidentally, I know of no emergency departments that insert IUDs, so don't go to an ER looking to get one. Yes, you probably already knew that, but some folks . . . .
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How to Lose Weight Without Dieting,
Drugs, Herbs, Exercise, or Surgery
by Kevin Pezzi, MD
You can lose weight easily. I did it, and so can you. I'm Kevin Pezzi, MD. When I got out of my residency program, I was so fat that I could not see my feet when I stood up. Although I am now 19 years older, I have a better body than most teenagers. How did I get in such good shape — and stay that way? Probably not in the way you think. My work is primarily sedentary, I eat sweets, and I never starve myself. In fact, I usually eat until I am full, and I typically “pig out” at least once per week. I don't use any drugs or herbs to lose weight. I exercise occasionally, but the workouts are brief and not too strenuous.
So how did I lose weight easily, and keep in great shape without torturing myself? Before I explain that, I must tell you a bit about myself, and why I feel that I am more qualified than an average weight loss expert. I graduated in the top 1% of my class in medical school. If nothing else, that is a testament to the fact that I learned more than 99% of my colleagues. However, the key to generating a real breakthrough in weight loss or any other field is an innovative mind. I may be smarter or more academically successful than 99% of other doctors, but formal schooling is not my forte. My strength is innovation and inventing. I have over 850 inventions and countless innovative ideas. One of those ideas pertains to how a person can lose weight easily without dieting, drugs, herbs, exercise, or surgery. I conceived this idea years ago, but never mentioned it because it was so obvious to me that I was certain one of the “big name” weight loss experts would also think of it. But they never did. They're just rehashing old ideas and getting rich in the process, even if their advice is lackluster. Take Dr. Phil, for example. He rose to fame as a protégé of Oprah, and he is truly gifted in delivering pithy quips. Lately, however, he seems to believe that he is a weight loss expert. That is laughably ironic to me, considering that Dr. Phil is overweight. I heard him trying to excuse this by blaming it on an old injury, but don't we all have excuses? I could have stayed a blimp and blamed it on my sedentary job, bad joints, and pudgy genes. But I didn't want excuses, I wanted results.
I hated schooling, but I love to read extensively. I learned many great weight loss tips, and I developed some tips myself, including the breakthrough idea on how it's possible to lose weight easily without dieting, drugs, herbs, exercise, or surgery. I described these tips in my book, How to Lose Weight Without Dieting, Drugs, Herbs, Exercise, or Surgery. You can buy that book for as little as $7, read it in an afternoon, and be on your way to having a great body — easily.