Another ER frequent flyer was a woman the staff referred to as “Nympho Lady” because she must have had one of the most extensive rosters of sexual partners in the history of the world. Surprisingly, her ER visits were never for venereal diseases. Instead, her incredible lack of judgment often led her into doing things that were not particularly bright.

One day she presented to the ER with a small facial cut, and the triage nurse questioned her:

Triage nurse: How did you cut your face?

Patient: My ceiling collapsed.

Triage nurse: Your ceiling collapsed?

Patient: Yes.

Triage nurse: Did your house fall down or something?

Patient: No, just part of the ceiling.

Triage nurse: Why did your ceiling collapse?

Patient: I guess because I put a bolt in it.

Triage nurse: A bolt?

Patient: Yeah, I think it's called a toggle bolt. You know, one of those things you put through a hole in the ceiling drywall, and it has wings that expand.

Triage nurse: Why did you do that? To hang up a flowerpot?

Patient: No, I wanted to hang from it.

Triage nurse: Are you depressed? Were you thinking of suicide?

Patient: Heck no, I just wanted to spin around.

Triage nurse: Spin around what?

Patient: Spin around in a circle.

Triage nurse: Why did you want to do that?

Patient: I wanted to suspend myself from the ceiling so I could try out a new sexual position, but the rope pulled the bolt out of the ceiling and it whacked me on my face. You think I'll have a scar?

Triage nurse: Probably not. Your cut isn't very deep.

Patient: So what can I do about it?

Triage nurse: We'll have the doctor take a look at it. You probably won't need stitches.

Patient: No, the ceiling, not the cut. What can I do about the ceiling?

Triage nurse: I don't know. Why don't you go to Home Depot and ask them? They probably have some sort of patching compound. Now let's get back to your injury. Did anything else get hurt? Did you get any grit in your eyes?

Patient: You think they'd have something that would support my weight?

Triage nurse: Yeah, but I'd forget about it.

Patient: Why?

Triage nurse: It can be dangerous. Look at what happened to you. How is your boyfriend, by the way?

Patient: He's at my place. He was in too much pain to come in.

Triage nurse: Why? What happened to him?

Patient: When I fell on him, his thing cracked, and then it swelled up.

Triage nurse: It sounds like a penile fracture.

Patient: A what?

Triage nurse: It sounds like he broke his penis. He should be seen right away.

Patient: Why is that?

Triage nurse: He might need surgery.

Patient: OK, I'll call him, but he sure won't come to this hospital.

Triage nurse: Why is that?

Patient: His wife works here in the OR. I think she would find out.

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